The Decision

decision love vs job (1)

I’ve talked till my face turned blue, so have you

Yet the words we say mean nothing

I have tried to find the answers to the questions we have asked

Still I know not a thing about your past

People talk & think they know both our complex minds

The closer we get the more scared I feel

My heart may at times seem cold but it’s not made of steel

As I sit here wondering what this could mean, tears flow down my face in a single stream

I do not know why these tears have fallen, they do not last long, for I hear the voices in my soul calling

I am back at the very start hoping not to find myself with a broken heart

I say things I should not have said, at least not at the moment

Please forgive me friend if I am silent now

It’s not that I don’t care or ever want to love you

My world is filled with constant bleeding

Right or wrong

I have to think of my breeding

Is it right in the eyes of God, is also on my mind

What I do & say may haunt me in future time

Though I have said nothing I will regret, silence is the winner & yet to me it seems like death

When my mind has caught up to my heart I will know

Should I stay or should I go?

**I wrote this in High School when I was friends with a “girl” she dressed like a guy & acted like a guy but was physically a girl. It was very traumatic for me. She called herself Chris though her name was legally Christina. She told me she wanted a sex change. I like Guys so I was having a hard time coping. Being a teenager is hard enough as it is. I never told my parents or anyone about her or that this poem was about that experience.***

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